Developing True Unshakeable Confidence With God
The teen years often get a bad rap. They are often characterized by cliques, parties, bad behaviour, angst and all around confusion. Our families tend to take second priority to our newfound friend circles. Everyone is trying to fit in and be liked by everyone. The standards we set are often too high, leaving a group of people who don't meet the standards and don't suck up to (or aren't liked by) the people who do on the outskirts. And when it comes to adolescence, you are either popular or unpopular, and often if you are unpopular, you are viewed as having nothing.
Most adults wouldn't think this matters that much. But as a teenager myself, I understand that being unpopular (and therefore viewed as having nothing)... sucks. Especially since adolescence is very much built upon and defined by the crowd mentality. Most teen movies exaggerate this (there usually isn't a clique of beautiful, prissy, skinny girls in pink, or any true "top clique" like these films suggest), but the crowd mentality portrayed does exist in the real world of high school.
So by crowd mentality logic, if you aren't favoured, you have nothing, and therefore you can't have confidence. Dang! There's no other way? Come on...
Except there is another way. Surprise!
I'll tell you something kinda personal: I experienced exclusion a little over a month ago (at the time I am writing this article, May 2019). I was being shut out and silenced by a larger group. I was indirectly being told I was worthless. And I believed it. Every day for that whole week, I would spend some time each day crying uncontrollably. I think I cried more that week than I had over any period of time before... I didn't even cry that much when I lost a relative.
My mental health became so poor that week that I considered committing suicide. I was in a place where I thought that maybe it would be better to die than to keep living, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't have a plan for ending my life, but I was starting to think of making one.
God called me back to Him before I acted on my feelings. Even though I had hit rock bottom and had just about no self confidence left, I still had Him to remind me of my worth. After all, He made me who I am and He put the utmost care into doing so.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14 NIV)
Through God, I was able to develop a new kind of confidence, the type that isn't dependent on the views of others, but is centred. People's opinions are never constant, and you can't please everyone. If you depend on others for all your confidence, you won't ever be completely satisfied. I was also able to seek help from people who genuinely cared for me, and would hold me accountable and keep me near to God. I'm building my confidence back up every day, and while it's not always perfect, I'm in a much better place and feel closer to God than ever!
Your situation doesn't have to be at all like mine was. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from or what you've done... God welcomes all! In the shaky times we live in, He is always ready and waiting for all who wish to enter into His family and experience His love. True confidence is something that many teenagers struggle to find, but it is my firm belief that God can provide that for anyone.
Here are my tips for anyone who wants to find confidence in God, whether you know Him as your Lord and Saviour or not.
1) Find a Bible and read it to learn more about who God is. Nowadays, it's very easy to access a Bible through apps and the internet. biblegateway.com is a great resource for those looking for an online Bible in multiple languages and translations! Of course, if you'd prefer to read a Bible the old-fashioned way, you can usually find them in most bookstores. And if you've already read a Bible or own it, read it again! You never know what you'll be able to learn from re-reading.
*side note: For first-time readers, I'd suggest starting by reading the Book of Genesis (the opening book) to learn about how it all started and why we need salvation, followed by one or more other Old Testament books, and then reading one or more of the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), and one or more of the Epistles (the letters to the churches).
2) Find people who know Jesus and can help and support you in your faith walk. While people can and do walk alone in this journey, it is much better (at least from my experience) to walk with other believers. They can offer advice, encourage you, pray for you and hold you accountable when you are going astray. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, and part of being a family is spending time together. "Together time" is one of the fundamentals of being part of a family.
3) Pray to God. Prayer is a direct line to Jesus Himself, and He is always there to listen. In fact, He knows what you need even before you ask Him. Talking with God is an intimate and personal way to learn from Him and develop a trust in Him, and He always answers prayers. It might not be the answer we want from Him, but it's the answer that's best for us.
4) Learn how not to be a people-pleaser. This world is all about pleasing others, and it's easy to fall into the trap of being desperate to impress everyone. It is good to receive praise from others, but even when you don't, it doesn't define you as a person. Rather, it's how you respond. And knowing God is there to support you makes the lack of praise sting a little less (at least in my experience).
5) Find ways to show God's love and gift of true confidence to those who don't know Him. It's often said, but very true - people who try to take down your confidence usually don't have much of it themselves. Whether they envy what you have, or simply see you as an easy target, usually whatever confidence they do have is built on what people think of them; they need approval from others to feel good about themselves. Sometimes when they bully, they are trying to impress the people whose approval they seek. This is obviously not okay, and I'm not saying you need to suck up to them or let yourself be a doormat (I used to let myself be a doormat... no more!). Rather, don't lash out or give them payback. Kill them with kindness and shine God's light to them, so that maybe they will come to follow him and change their lives around. It might not work, but it's always worth a try.
It's worth noting that unshakeable doesn't mean you will always be confident. There are times when you won't be, and that's okay! Rather, unshakeable means you can always depend on this kind of confidence, and it's more difficult to lose than it is to lose other kinds. Unlike confidence that is dependent on people's opinions, which drops as quickly as it rises and is never stable, confidence that is dependent on God doesn't change with the fads and trends of the day. I will leave you with a few Bible verses that relate to trusting in God:
"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD; whose confidence is in Him." (Jeremiah 17:7 NIV)
"Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the Name of the LORD our God." (Psalm 20:7 NIV)
"For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26 ESV)
"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13 NIV)
I hope that this may minister to you and help you to develop a better sense of self. God bless!
Much love, Kei
Most adults wouldn't think this matters that much. But as a teenager myself, I understand that being unpopular (and therefore viewed as having nothing)... sucks. Especially since adolescence is very much built upon and defined by the crowd mentality. Most teen movies exaggerate this (there usually isn't a clique of beautiful, prissy, skinny girls in pink, or any true "top clique" like these films suggest), but the crowd mentality portrayed does exist in the real world of high school.
So by crowd mentality logic, if you aren't favoured, you have nothing, and therefore you can't have confidence. Dang! There's no other way? Come on...
Except there is another way. Surprise!
I'll tell you something kinda personal: I experienced exclusion a little over a month ago (at the time I am writing this article, May 2019). I was being shut out and silenced by a larger group. I was indirectly being told I was worthless. And I believed it. Every day for that whole week, I would spend some time each day crying uncontrollably. I think I cried more that week than I had over any period of time before... I didn't even cry that much when I lost a relative.
My mental health became so poor that week that I considered committing suicide. I was in a place where I thought that maybe it would be better to die than to keep living, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't have a plan for ending my life, but I was starting to think of making one.
God called me back to Him before I acted on my feelings. Even though I had hit rock bottom and had just about no self confidence left, I still had Him to remind me of my worth. After all, He made me who I am and He put the utmost care into doing so.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14 NIV)
Through God, I was able to develop a new kind of confidence, the type that isn't dependent on the views of others, but is centred. People's opinions are never constant, and you can't please everyone. If you depend on others for all your confidence, you won't ever be completely satisfied. I was also able to seek help from people who genuinely cared for me, and would hold me accountable and keep me near to God. I'm building my confidence back up every day, and while it's not always perfect, I'm in a much better place and feel closer to God than ever!
Your situation doesn't have to be at all like mine was. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're from or what you've done... God welcomes all! In the shaky times we live in, He is always ready and waiting for all who wish to enter into His family and experience His love. True confidence is something that many teenagers struggle to find, but it is my firm belief that God can provide that for anyone.
Here are my tips for anyone who wants to find confidence in God, whether you know Him as your Lord and Saviour or not.
1) Find a Bible and read it to learn more about who God is. Nowadays, it's very easy to access a Bible through apps and the internet. biblegateway.com is a great resource for those looking for an online Bible in multiple languages and translations! Of course, if you'd prefer to read a Bible the old-fashioned way, you can usually find them in most bookstores. And if you've already read a Bible or own it, read it again! You never know what you'll be able to learn from re-reading.
*side note: For first-time readers, I'd suggest starting by reading the Book of Genesis (the opening book) to learn about how it all started and why we need salvation, followed by one or more other Old Testament books, and then reading one or more of the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), and one or more of the Epistles (the letters to the churches).
2) Find people who know Jesus and can help and support you in your faith walk. While people can and do walk alone in this journey, it is much better (at least from my experience) to walk with other believers. They can offer advice, encourage you, pray for you and hold you accountable when you are going astray. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, and part of being a family is spending time together. "Together time" is one of the fundamentals of being part of a family.
3) Pray to God. Prayer is a direct line to Jesus Himself, and He is always there to listen. In fact, He knows what you need even before you ask Him. Talking with God is an intimate and personal way to learn from Him and develop a trust in Him, and He always answers prayers. It might not be the answer we want from Him, but it's the answer that's best for us.
4) Learn how not to be a people-pleaser. This world is all about pleasing others, and it's easy to fall into the trap of being desperate to impress everyone. It is good to receive praise from others, but even when you don't, it doesn't define you as a person. Rather, it's how you respond. And knowing God is there to support you makes the lack of praise sting a little less (at least in my experience).
5) Find ways to show God's love and gift of true confidence to those who don't know Him. It's often said, but very true - people who try to take down your confidence usually don't have much of it themselves. Whether they envy what you have, or simply see you as an easy target, usually whatever confidence they do have is built on what people think of them; they need approval from others to feel good about themselves. Sometimes when they bully, they are trying to impress the people whose approval they seek. This is obviously not okay, and I'm not saying you need to suck up to them or let yourself be a doormat (I used to let myself be a doormat... no more!). Rather, don't lash out or give them payback. Kill them with kindness and shine God's light to them, so that maybe they will come to follow him and change their lives around. It might not work, but it's always worth a try.
It's worth noting that unshakeable doesn't mean you will always be confident. There are times when you won't be, and that's okay! Rather, unshakeable means you can always depend on this kind of confidence, and it's more difficult to lose than it is to lose other kinds. Unlike confidence that is dependent on people's opinions, which drops as quickly as it rises and is never stable, confidence that is dependent on God doesn't change with the fads and trends of the day. I will leave you with a few Bible verses that relate to trusting in God:
"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD; whose confidence is in Him." (Jeremiah 17:7 NIV)
"Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the Name of the LORD our God." (Psalm 20:7 NIV)
"For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26 ESV)
"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13 NIV)
I hope that this may minister to you and help you to develop a better sense of self. God bless!
Much love, Kei
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